Monday, October 04, 2004

Out of the mouths of babes

Browsing through my blogroll tonight, I have come across several records of political conversations between parents and children...some of the most cogent, and definitely amusing, political commentary I've read in a while.

I reproduce them here for your reading pleasure.

"Scary John Kerry is just like Spidey"
courtesy of Feministe

Ethan: Why does Scary John Kerry want to be president?

Me: Because he thinks he’ll do a good job.

Ethan: How does he get to be president?

Me: He and George Bush, our president right now, travel around the country and talk to people. They try to explain why they think they are the best people for the job, then everyone goes and votes for who they think is better.

Ethan: What’s a vote?

Me: (fudging) All the adults in the country go to a voting center and write down the name of the person they want, then they put their vote in a box. At the end of the day, everyone in the country gets their vote counted (big fudge) and whoever gets the most votes wins. (feels guilty for not mentioning hanging chads and redistricting efforts)

Ethan: I think we should vote for Scary John Kerry.

Me: Really? Why?

Ethan: Because he’s way cooler than George Bush. Scary John Kerry is the coolest.

Me: Oh yeah?

Ethan: Yeah. He’s honest.

Me: (blows Dr. Pepper through nose onto steering column) Well, I think I agree with you.

Ethan: If we get hurt, John Kerry will come to save us, right?

Me: Well, it’s not like he’s Superman or anything, but he’ll do what he can to make sure we can see a doctor if we really need it.

Ethan: Mo-om! Not Superman! Scary John Kerry is just like Spidey.

"If Bush & Kerry were captured by terrorists..."

via Shameless Agitator
Kos received this email:
I think you (and maybe your readers) will be interested in a personal experience I had last night while watching the debate.

My 19 year-old (former foster) son, who has never been interested in politics, sat down with me and began silently watching about 10 minutes into it.

About half an hour later he turned to me and said, "Dad, am I able to vote?". I told him he would have to register but that yes, he could vote. I asked who he wanted to vote for, and he said "Kerry's the tall dude, right?". I said yes, and he said, "I'd vote for Kerry".

I asked him why, and he replied, "Because, I can tell if they were both captured by terrorists Kerry would keep telling them to go f*** themselves, and Bush would cry like a baby and tell them anything they wanted to know".

Today we registered him to vote.

-- Proud Dad
"The US Army farts people"
courtesy of Seeking Clarity.
Me: (Reopening the conversation that Joey had been prattling on about in the house moments before) So, J - do you think that spiders do have a sense of wonder?

J: Nah. I don't think they can wonder.

K: But how would you know? We can't know!!

J: Well, if spiders and other insects could think like we do, we wouldn't rule the world like we do!

Me: You think "we" rule the world?

J: Sure! We could kick the butts of any animal. Especially if we rose up in large groups against them.

K: (exasperated in that way that only a 10-year-old big sister can be) Why would we rise up against any animal?!

J: Ever hear of the U.S. Army?!

K: (sighing wearily) The U.S. Army only fights enemy people!!

Unfortunately, she was so outraged at her brother's stupidity that "fight" got garbled in haste and came out sounding like "fart." All intelligent discussion ceased.

K and J: Omg!!! Can you imagine U.S. Army soldiers going around, farting people?! Little people coming out of their butts?!
I say, get these kids job at the DNC or the Daily Show. Pronto. And many thanks to the proud (brave?) parents for sharing.