Tuesday, September 27, 2005

An immodest proposal

According to WaPo, the Virginia Democrats are looking at running Ben Affleck for Senate next year. For real.

I know. That's a bad joke by itself. But keep reading.

I've heard crazy rumours that, in some countries, elected officials are chosen based on their ability to do the job, rather than in high-school style popularity contests.

But in America, high name recognition and good teeth seem to be all you need. (Cf, Reagan, Schwartzenegger, et al.)

So, why not go one better? Why run movie stars for elected office, when we could take a lesson from Italy and run porn stars?

You think I'm kidding, right? But think about it:

Women Dems beat Republican candidates hands down, and the Republicans know it.

Red state America and white males would finally be interested in Democratic candidates.

Republican pundits like O'Reilly and Limbaugh would have a aneurisms due to blood-flow redirection.

Our candidates could do televised wrestling bouts with Michelle Malkin and Anne Coulter.

Plus, it is the only way we're ever going to get any number of women and diversity candidates on the ticket.

Granted, name recognition might not be as high as...visual recognition. But maybe we could replace names on the ballots with...pictures...of some sort. Which would also decisively resolve the issue of illiteracy at the ballot box. Replace the poll tax with a pole dance, I say!

Come on, patriots. Propose this to your state steering committee and we can take back the government in '06.

...or we can just sit back and watch Virginia run Ben Affleck for Senate. Make up your own mind about which is more ridiculous.

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